you wanna move on
i will too
watch you walk away
hold my breath til i turn blue
i don't wanna feel alive
until you cross behind the moon
i told you i loved to you the stars
told you we were two hearts in tune
you held my hand and agreed
you said being with me felt free
so i'll hold my breath
i don't wanna feel alive
not until you're out of sight
i don't wanna feel alive
not until you see the wrong
in what you think is right

i may as well been have been a runaway
isn't that what you used to say?
you laughed at everything i kept with me 
every pocket on my purse filled purposely
you said you thought i was kind of crazy. 
do you still think it's funny to know all that i keep?
you're the only memory i ever tried to repeat

it's not that i'm hurt and can't tell
i just don't sleep well
don't say i don't know what my words are doing
don't say you want to figure me out
you left 
it's too late to put any pieces together
i wouldn't let you in anyway

Been writing lately. 

You know those days. For a while you think you've lost yourself in what is material. When you're on routine. When you've ran out of cash. I'm completely broke and I find myself scrapping together coins because I want to get a sushi roll for $13 and a tip. My Dolce & Gabbana perfume, whose bottle will soon be empty, smells old on my cardigan and I want to spray more. I want a new bottle. Coins. I want to be fabulous. 

What the fuck is that anyway. 

I wonder what it is I am doing. Coins. Where I am going. Coins. How much money I need. Coins. When I'll start feeling like I am truly living my life instead of waiting for my life to start.

I know what I need. Coins.
I know what I don't need. It's everything I keep spending my coins on.

Re-arranged my bedroom today to the exact way I had it nearly two years ago when almost everything in my life was different than it is now. Even me. Especially me. I didn't even try to, and, to be honest, it really made me distressed when I first realized what I did. Now, sitting in my bed, there will be small moments while I sit here and edit photos, where I feel like I am 20 years old again. Like nothing has changed. No time as passed. But then, I rub my eyes, I see how much time has passed... and I wonder what I've done with it. It's not that I've done nothing. I've done many somethings. Many lovely somethings with lovely people. It's what I haven't done that lets me down the most. I'm tired of running myself in circles. My choices are making my life a culdesac, with memories and days on repeat, circling. I'm not going to go anywhere if I keep my steering wheel on the same continuous curve the rest of my life. Where have my dreams gone? Feeling low tonight.

you're chasing shadows only to remain in the darkness

Inspire me, don't impress me.