I think the person I now miss was never even that person to begin with. I used to get so emotionally caught up in any attention any man ever gave to me I was easily fooled and blinded by what I believed was love, accepting the way that I was being treated by them, even knowing it was wrong. I often think if my dependency for attention comes from never having enough of it as a child. Or, at least when I DID get it, it was always negative with bullying. I'm at a point now where the attention I get is no longer seen as positive, but something I don't want or don't want to deal with. I feel so empty and apathetic and it kind of sucks. I wish I could feel again.