sometimes when i wake up

my body feels your arms still there
as if you never left with them  
but those fell away ages ago
like my walls did when we first met
fell away while i stayed here and wept
& that cold basement floor
where you first kissed me
forever will be the quicksand beneath my feet
where i stood making the choice to love you
and where you said, please be with me.
in my memory
your old bedroom is decaying
the sunlight doesn't bathe morning skin
it burns through carpet
and melts all feeling.
in my memory that basement floor is dirt.
there isn't new love forming.
new decay is only showing.
i see it now in my face
without grace
and you gone without a trace.

My skin still burns from your fingerprints.
My eyes still bleed for our memories.
I am ready for my tear ducts to dry up.
I am ready to find a purpose 
outside of the only purpose I knew
which was loving you.

Sometimes I wish I never celebrated new years eve that year. I met you that night. The cold, sticky cement basement floor of that crowded and damp house will forever be the quicksand beneath my feet where I stood making a choice to love you.