Sunday, June 24, 2012

does my skin need to be pricked
in order to feel i am bleeding
because i see crimson leaving
my heart beats and i can't feel it
you've stolen the life out of me
i'm bleeding without cuts
just like i used to dance without music
then you'd smile at me
and i knew i was embarrassing you
i know you only thought of me as pretentious
you didn't know what to do with me
my quirks scared you
and your lack of them scared me
and i was bleeding
for you
you always said i was too fragile
maybe so
but maybe you were too rough
the feel of a diamond
but you were coal burning away
you were too empty for me
and i was to fragile for you to stay

Friday, June 22, 2012

bond over alcohol
why can't we bond over our breaths
and the steps we take 
that go in the same direction
the steps we take
that may not make sense
because i want to bond
over what makes my heart soar
not what kind of alcohol will get me more horny
because i'm not that kind of girl
you can't take me on a whirl
i'd get too dizzy anyway
projectile vomit on your already dirty sheets and say
"i'm sorry i don't want to be your next puzzle"
because i'm not something you need to figure out
to fix and put together, i'm not getting better
i'm me and that's what you need to see
but you see my big hair
my short dresses with long legs
and you wonder
what they would feel like wrapped around yours
well i'm not interesting so don't call me that
i don't want to be told i'm amazing
don't kiss my ass
i'm a girl you'll get sick of fast
so you want to bond over alcohol?
yeah, i'll take your free shot
but then i'm gone to look at the stars
cause unless they're in your eyes
that's the only thing
i want to make love to in this town

Thursday, June 21, 2012

and maybe if it wasn't so hard to forget
i'd forgotten by now
but i've got hidden strings on my wrists
and i still can't cut the ends
& burn them so that i don't unravel apart
my hands weren't meant for yours
and i knew that from the start
but what good does admitting truths do
when i'm still me and you're still you
and i hate whatever is inside of your chest
that made me throw my hands up
forget the rest
make a nest
and turn away from what i needed most
i want to burn it the way i need to burn this bridge
combine the two and smile & cringe

Sunday, June 17, 2012

"You should know that there is something worse than hate and that is unlove. Because hate is anger over something lost, hate is passion, hate is misguided, it's caring for the wrong things but it is still caring. But unlove, unlove is to unkiss, to unremember, to unhold, to undream, to undo everything that ever was and leave smooth stone behind in its wake. No fire. No fury. Just, nothing. And that is worse than hate."

Monday, June 11, 2012

I'm not really a good person and I don't want to pretend I am anymore. I'm prideful and I'm messy and I'm lonely and I'm angry and I'm lost. I have sick thoughts and mean thoughts and I feel like there are so many people that secretly hate me and it confuses me. I love myself... but I'm not sure who I am. I'm sick of pretending and being confused. I'm sick of men screwing me over. I'm sick of thinking every new person I fall in love with is gonna be the one who saves me, and I'm sick of falling in love. I just want to figure it all out and I can't and it makes me want to rip my skin off and set it on fire. I want to figure out what the hell I am doing with my art. I want to figure out what I really want with it. I know it makes me feel something. I want to get the hell out of this fucking town, get in my car and drive forever. I don't know what makes me happy anymore. I give everyone too much power in my life.

Wednesday, June 06, 2012

I just want to feel beautiful and the television doesn't make me feel beautiful and the internet doesn't make me feel beautiful I make myself feel beautiful but I don't feel beautiful.

Sunday, June 03, 2012

I wonder what's really behind the blacks of your eyes when you sleep at night. When you blink repeatedly from the wind with tears streaming down your cheeks. When your head bursts with pain and your fingers squeeze tightly where bone and cartilage meet on your nose as your eyelids take away imagery and light.

I wonder I wander I want and I need.