Sunday, August 18, 2013

i may as well been have been a runaway
isn't that what you used to say?
you laughed at everything i kept with me 
every pocket on my purse filled purposely
you said you thought i was kind of crazy. 
do you still think it's funny to know all that i keep?
you're the only memory i ever tried to repeat

Sunday, August 11, 2013

it's not that i'm hurt and can't tell
i just don't sleep well
don't say i don't know what my words are doing
don't say you want to figure me out
you left 
it's too late to put any pieces together
i wouldn't let you in anyway

Sunday, August 04, 2013

Been writing lately. 

You know those days. For a while you think you've lost yourself in what is material. When you're on routine. When you've ran out of cash. I'm completely broke and I find myself scrapping together coins because I want to get a sushi roll for $13 and a tip. My Dolce & Gabbana perfume, whose bottle will soon be empty, smells old on my cardigan and I want to spray more. I want a new bottle. Coins. I want to be fabulous. 

What the fuck is that anyway. 

I wonder what it is I am doing. Coins. Where I am going. Coins. How much money I need. Coins. When I'll start feeling like I am truly living my life instead of waiting for my life to start.

I know what I need. Coins.
I know what I don't need. It's everything I keep spending my coins on.

Sunday, July 28, 2013

Re-arranged my bedroom today to the exact way I had it nearly two years ago when almost everything in my life was different than it is now. Even me. Especially me. I didn't even try to, and, to be honest, it really made me distressed when I first realized what I did. Now, sitting in my bed, there will be small moments while I sit here and edit photos, where I feel like I am 20 years old again. Like nothing has changed. No time as passed. But then, I rub my eyes, I see how much time has passed... and I wonder what I've done with it. It's not that I've done nothing. I've done many somethings. Many lovely somethings with lovely people. It's what I haven't done that lets me down the most. I'm tired of running myself in circles. My choices are making my life a culdesac, with memories and days on repeat, circling. I'm not going to go anywhere if I keep my steering wheel on the same continuous curve the rest of my life. Where have my dreams gone? Feeling low tonight.

Sunday, July 14, 2013

you're chasing shadows only to remain in the darkness

Monday, June 24, 2013

Inspire me, don't impress me.

Sunday, June 02, 2013

you can't touch what burns 
from the inside out
you'll only blister and bleed
i'm not what you need

Sunday, May 12, 2013

the only halls you choose to haunt now
are the ones that wind down through my brain
into my spine and through my blood
your eyes are upon me
without your eyes on me at all
i imagine they see me in red
do you have
i have
i am tired
of all this fury

Sunday, April 28, 2013

you touched my heart
but i felt the air move through you
like lace
we got caught up
the strings broke away from each other
and i remain as a pile of thread
waiting to be put back together
as something beautiful
like lace
to touch someone else's skin

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

I like to view life as if I was in a movie. One of those indie romantic comedies. They always have the best vibes, to me. Anyway, just in those moments driving down a street with a friend, getting a soda at a gas station, seeing a live show, drinks at a bar, riding bike or even just laying in bed... those moments in those movies always seem so damn magical. I wanna make my life magical. So my point is I guess I realize more every day that it isn't what you have or what you're doing that really matters, it's just how you see things.

Sunday, March 10, 2013

I wanna hide away for weeks only to create art and meditate. Dive into the ocean of my creativity and float around a bit. Forget about all the bullshit on the land. And chill out. Because my heart is exhaaausted. Tired of egos and small talk. Tired of pick up lines and put down lines. Tired of a lack of passion in places where I need it most. Rejuvenation is necessary.

Thursday, February 21, 2013

my love comes out of my pores 
like a thousand fiery comets 
falling to the surface of your skin.
and i'm told i'm too passionate to find adequacy
but imperfections make everything adequate.
let my love enter your atmosphere,
floating in the stars out here isn't easy.
my brain and heart's communication
forms electric lines across the sky making constellations
so count them and trace them with your fingertips
and i'll dance in your world

Monday, February 11, 2013

pull from my spine all the grudges i can't get rid of
i wish for your memories of me
to remain only with gold ties along their edges
but there's damage in your lips and mine
but once there was love instead
where tears drip over and strangers meet
please pull from my heart all the memories i can't forget
my toes are attached with weights
at the bottom of the ocean of your bloodstream
and i can't find a way to cut the strings
please pull from my eyes all the untangible images i can't burn
the images i can't rip in half and set flying into the night sky
pull your skin's memory from my fingerprints
erase erase erase erase erase erase erase

fragile eyes tell no lies
look in mine and hear what it is i'm not saying
i'm always growing
and so are you
but with broken petals
and dried up roots
what ground is there to cling to
if the ground has nothing for me to live for

Monday, February 04, 2013

Always in between wishing that I would have done more or I would have done nothing.

you took the girl out of me
when you left your man on the floor
walked out the door
and changed my life forever