pick me apart until my flesh becomes a puzzle on the floor
you wouldn't know the pieces to place together even if you tore them apart yourself
but go on and continue as if you would
my heart is an easy read to those with hearts that can't speak
you make stories for me
pretend that you really know me
but you don't know where i've left my fingerprints
you don't know where my lovers lips once touched
you don't know what has broken my heart
you don't know which stained glass windows were once my safety blanket
you don't know what ignites my bones
even if i spoke to you the secret that does
you wouldn't
you couldn't
there's no time but the present
it's time to focus on something new
stop analyzing me
start analyzing you

i don't know if i'll ever forgive you
which is now kind of pathetic, i think
a man who thinks of no one
commands my heart on how much alcohol i should drink
tonight maybe i'll have three glasses
tomorrow maybe i'll smoke some bowls
all these things are medicine to me now
to help me forget the man without a soul
doesn't make a lot sense does it?
not many things these days truly do
it didn't make sense you claimed you loved me
like it didn't make sense i really loved you
so if you need me i'll be that bitter artist
the girl who can't learn to forget
if you need me i'll be long gone from here
the girl who's taking steps
every single one farther away from you
& with every step i still won't wish you well
maybe anger is my poison
but your pride will drag you to hell

Today was a really fine day even though I didn't do anything besides going to work that was remotely productive. I've been watching movies all day, but I made two great phone calls that made my plans for this weekend come to life. Day one without meat wasn't hard either. Made an awesome dinner with pasta, asparagus and squash, and had a really delicious spinach dip later on. I'm bitter about some things today but overall I really can't complain much.

I am going to fall in love again someday and it's going to stop my pulse for seconds, maybe minutes. It's not going to be mediocre and it's not going to be forced. It's going to make the tips of my fingers tingle and my feet feel like they're not touching the ground that is beneath them. It will be perfect in its imperfections, and to them I will be perfect in all of my imperfections. They won't be seeking purely sex, they won't treat love like a game, and they won't treat me like I'm ordinary. The passion within me will never again be laid down on a line for someone to walk over and walk away from. It will seep from my pores into theirs and I will be forever enchanted. So, until that happens, I don't have time for anything else.

I love traveling photos. Photos of strangers on their daily commute. Photos of the faces of those who are on foreign grounds. The electric love in their eyes. I need to stomp the grounds of this planet and leave pieces of my heart in the grounds of wherever I travel. I need to wander, because that is when I am most at home.

i am not afraid 
of being in the darkness
but becoming it