Monday, June 11, 2012

I'm not really a good person and I don't want to pretend I am anymore. I'm prideful and I'm messy and I'm lonely and I'm angry and I'm lost. I have sick thoughts and mean thoughts and I feel like there are so many people that secretly hate me and it confuses me. I love myself... but I'm not sure who I am. I'm sick of pretending and being confused. I'm sick of men screwing me over. I'm sick of thinking every new person I fall in love with is gonna be the one who saves me, and I'm sick of falling in love. I just want to figure it all out and I can't and it makes me want to rip my skin off and set it on fire. I want to figure out what the hell I am doing with my art. I want to figure out what I really want with it. I know it makes me feel something. I want to get the hell out of this fucking town, get in my car and drive forever. I don't know what makes me happy anymore. I give everyone too much power in my life.

1 comment:

Sia Jane said...

I understand those feelings of everyone fucking you over, because it feels like each time I open my heart I get bruised. So much I am convinced I may not have control if it closes forever now. You are not a bad person, and maybe what you need to think is that right now, you have come out of a relationship which made to halves a complete whole. It is *normal* to not understand who you are without that person. I don't know who the hell I am without my ex girl and I am trying to figure it out. If you need to run a while, go take some space. I don't know how practical that is, but it is okay to not be okay and it is okay to not know what okay is anymore. All I am saying is I relate and what I mostly want you to know is that you are AMAZING and inspiring and the furthest thing ever from a bad person <3<3