i'm not sure where my mind has been for the past week but it seems to have escaped my skull and found a home elsewhere. this usually wouldn't bother me... because my mind has a way of taking me places i'd rather not go, and overanalyzing situations, picking them apart, until there is nothing left to pick at. but this time it's different, and it's personal. when i usually feel disconnected from myself/mind, it's a self-inflicted disconnection. i pulled the cords apart myself. i decided to become dull on my own time. i took that break from the madness inside of my skull. i chose it. this time i didn't do this on my own. bad news and bad situations seem to keep popping up left and right and it's really wearing me paper thin. my mind must have just said "SCREW THIS" and pulled the plugs itself. either way, it's scary. i've always thought that my mind was the one thing in this world no one would have the ability or the power to take away from me, and yet here i am, scratching at walls, wondering why i can't grasp simple ideas and situations life throws at me, unable to analyze or accept them, because of negative situations and frustrations that are being thrown my way, some by particular sources, others by the mysterious. i've always prided myself in my ability to think things through... of seeing magic in things that some people just... don't. but here i am, with my heart in my hands and my mind at the bottom of the ocean. i'm ready for my grand escape to europe. my heart is going to be soaring.