I'm finding it hard to keep up on a blog like this. I have so many thoughts all the time, and if I took the time to type/write them all out for the world to see, I'd have the potential to come off as either a crazy person or a complete asshole.
Nothing seems to have been going on though a lot has still happened. I have a new car. I have more shoots. But everything is the same, always. Every week, every weekend. Work all day, party all weekend, and it's getting so cliche and so ingenuine. They blend together and I lose sight of what I'm really working towards. Which I don't even know what that is anymore ever since my life was flipped around two months ago.
I feel like I'm still crawling on the ground while he runs past me breathing easy. Cutting him out of my life recently was probably the best thing for me, yet I still find myself wanting to act childish and make or say things that he could possibly see over the internet. Something to get inside his head. But they obviously won't ever get into his head for so many reasons, and the fact that he doesn't even care to pay attention to me anymore, being the number one. Being broken up with is a lot like someone dying to me. It sent my body into complete shock that on a friday night he could say I love you and next day was able to say goodbye to everything. Anyway, things are getting too personal now and I feel uncomfortable.
Trust is a problem. Always has been. I fear it always will be. What is anyone's intention anymore? To get ahead. To be great. I just want to be happy.