Saturday, April 28, 2012

I'm really enjoying blogging lately. It's strange how I feel safe to express myself here no matter how personal the subject is. Maybe I feel like no one can read it. Though I still feel like a voice in the darkness screaming because I want to be heard. I think it's because the people that I really want to hear me aren't listening anymore.

There are so many things I want to say to you still and it's overwhelming. I'm vindictive. I want my words to seep into your bloodstream and poison your thoughts. It's sickening how big of a desire there is within me to hurt you. I'm still so angry at you every day for everything you said and didn't say and everything you did and did not do. More often it's for the things you never did. The things I wanted you to do. The things that, in my opinion, you just should have done. I don't care if you read this and I don't care who else does either. I don't care anymore to censor myself. Why should I? Why not just spill my soul even more into something that can't be seen or touched. Kind of like you. I spilled my soul into you, into us. You couldn't be seen. You couldn't be touched.

I wish I was untouchable. Maybe that's the only thing that is admirable about you... your ability at being completely unimpressed and unphased by anyone around you unless it's directly adding a negative weight into your personal life. But then again maybe that's the worst thing about you, because I thank the universe every day that I am nothing like you.

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