Sunday, April 29, 2012

My entire system has been on a roller coaster ride that won't stop for the past two months. It's all very devastatingly sad... break-ups. Y'know? But we move on and we find strength that was buried under what was once passion. I just worry that one day I'm going to build my walls too high for even myself to crawl over. Now is the time to love myself. I was so unhappy. I was so sad. Even with him. I don't even know who that person is anymore. Whether or not I miss the relationship doesn't change the fact that I am still sad. But I need my love to never be taken for granted again. Because everything I love, I love with a love that is so much more intense than what society thinks love is and sometimes it makes me feel like my skin is burning or my heart is being ripped apart. Passion is beautiful but sometimes it physically pains me. Even with my art. Most days I want to run and run and run and never stop and scream at the top of my lungs into the wind and feel my legs on fire pumping blood and bleeding sweat. And for absolutely no reason at all but to release the flames that are pulsing beneath my rib cage. I don't know what to do, I guess. But I think that is obvious. I just don't know.


Sia Jane said...

I understand that Emma.
I feel in such intensity, regardless of what it is.
Love, passion, sadness...
It all feels so much and all my experiences are measured by those things.
I think it takes a special someone to embrace those fears and concerns and to write about them.
Without sounding patronising, I think this shows amazing insight, I truly do <3

stacerbean42 said...

I love what you said about loving with a passion that sometimes pains you. I feel the same way with my photography sometimes. Sometimes I just feel the need to run and keep running.
Totally know how you feel.